I made the mistake of reading every sentence in the book, "Your Pregnancy Week by Week." While this book is extremely creative and informative, it is also a little paranoid. Every chapter has sections about diseases that you or your baby could have. It lists signs that reveal to you that you may have had a miscarriage, and so on. Granted, I do need to read some of this stuff, but not in every chapter.
The baby was about seven weeks along when I started to experience extreme cramping in my lower abdomen. It was excruciating. Since I had read the night before that cramping could be a sign of miscarriage, I immediately began to think that was happening. I called my doctor while I was getting ready for work, and they told me to come in as soon as possible. Gabe was at work so I couldn't call him, so I texted instead. I called his mother Michelle and she said she would take me to the doctor, and to try not to worry.
I have never been in a situation where I couldn't calm myself down. I've almost fallen off a mountain in the Himalayas while driving in a van, and have done other stupid things. In those extreme circumstances I could always tell myself that everything was going to be okay. However, in this moment of sheer anxiety I could not calm myself. I was certain something was wrong with my child, and that has been the worst feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. I didn't stop crying from the time I got into the shower until the moment Michelle showed up to take me to the appointment.
Michelle was a lifesaver. She had called Gabe during her drive over and was able to reach him, and he was able to leave work to come be with me. The doctor had prescribed a sonogram to see what was going on. Gabe, Michelle, and myself waited patiently as the nurse searched for the baby via ultra sound. She finally found the baby, and we were able to see the heart beat. I have never felt such relief in my entire life. Dr. Buchanan told us that cramping was a normal part of pregnancy. She said that my uterus is literally expanding and I am going to feel the consequences of that. But, she said the baby looked perfect. Praise the Lord.
I called my sister Kristin once I was home and in bed. She told me the best advice, "Jordan, you can either worry about this child the rest of its life, or you can faithfully give all your worries and anxieties to the Lord. You may see this baby grow old, or it may only make it until its second birthday. Regardless, the baby belongs to the Lord, and He has a will for its life. You need to enjoy each moment you have with this child. Worrying will not help the enjoyment." My wise sister was exactly right.
From this point on, I give all of my natural worries and anxieties over this child to the one who created it. God is in control.
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